This past week or two have been really tough, but recently I've been doing better.
I tend to miss Dakota from time to time, but I've realized my feelings for Georgi haven't left me. What really sucks is, amongst these two elephants in my heart, i have a few minor mice as well. Maite being the largest of the female distractions aside from the two i previously mentioned. Then there's Gina, who's very interesting to say the least. So my heart is quite tangled, to say the least. And i think i focus on these women so much because i miss the support and the love and the person to go to. Ever since nicks death i haven't really had the ability to go to anyone with information and get some advice back. Heather seems to be playing that roll, but she's only just met me, and im sure in time it will be easier. But for now were still growing to know each other. The person who i wish was filling that void of "support" isn't, and wont be, and the person who i had playing that roll of "support" but doing very badly at it, is now learning how important it was to me.
Its odd how my little breakup has turned into such a life changing event, and i only have one person to thank for making me feel so low that i realized i had to climb back up or that was it. But i also thank her for everything else shes done for me in the good sense. To be fair though, I don't think i have room to blame anyone for anything. I've done my fair share of fucked up things as well and Dakota wasn't the only person to tear me down. Georgis done it before as well, but why do i love these two people SO much? Its true no matter the situation though, i think I've found the two girls ill always compare others to. And i love each one for different reasons. I suppose it helps that them being polar opposites appeals to my very contradictory self. Each one is loved with a different half of my heart.
The big distraction is my up and coming website, and my close friends getting involved. although im not sure where to begin im sure ill figure it out in time through reading and studying and researching where i have to go with it. But it sucks to say the women in my life are occupying my heart, which tends to over ride my brain from time to time.
Tonight im lonely in bed and reading. but im very mush so missing the feel of a head against my chest. oh well.
~ The elephant for today. 6.13.11
georgi
dakota
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